What is already going wrong? And how to auto-correct this mess?

Less than 24 hours in, and not all is well.

The Queen's graceful legs in Frankfurt airport.

The curse is alive and well

Like most queens from an imaginary queendom, I am cursed.

The air travel curse: If I am on a flight, it gets delayed or cancelled. This is so normal for me that I've come to expect it, and I am probably the only person sporting a knowing smile when it is announced.

So, it is with zero surprise that I heard the news of my canceled United/Lufthansa flight from Newark to Nice, not realizing yet it was the first of a string of similar announcements I would have to live with in the next few days...

The sea was angry that day, my friends

Fast forward to two days later, when I finally hopped on a plane from JFK to Munich (a real queen must adapt to circumstances), and from Munich to the most beautiful city on earth, Nice.

The arrival to Nice from a plane is breathtaking and impressive. The runway was built on the Mediterranean sea, and it is always a somewhat tricky , albeit amazing, landing.

Because one must deserve Nice.

We are right there, trying to land, I can smell my hometown, I recognize every building on the very close Promenade des Anglais, I know I am home, I cannot wait.

The pilot could not stabilize the plane to safely approach the runway. At the last minute, instead of going for it, he decided to take off mid-air and re-try. The second try was not successful. Same mid-air maneuver, same message in fancy German in the microphone. I don't know German, but I know that if the pilot does not observe the usual two-languages communication, and skips the English translation, it means that pilot has other things to worry about.

He executed a couple of big circles around Nice, allowing us to fully appreciate its beauty, and literally took the tangent, northbound.

German message again. This time, half of the passengers erupt in some nervous laughing attack, I guess these were the German speaking passengers. What could be possibly funny?

This time, the English translation came: We were en route back to Munich, and the pilot was hoping to have enough fuel.

That was the laugh.

Of course we made it. Otherwise, I would not be typing this.

In Munich, we were told that we would be taken to Frankfurt. They created a special flight just for us, it was not even advertised on the big screens. Only for us, the lucky few.

Why Frankfurt? Oh well, it depends on the passenger you asked. I heard it all, from the conspiracy theories to the technical explanations of plane size that could only be found in Frankfurt. Nobody knew. Everyone was pissed. Except me, because i knew about the curse. To me this was all business as usual.

We were told that in Frankfurt, we would board a flight to Nice in a bigger, stronger, mightier plane. All I could think was: "This plane is going to be delayed, because I am in it".

Of course it was. Several hours delayed.

This time the pilot managed to land it, not easily, but he did. I don't think the passengers would have accepted anything else.

I landed in Nice a few minutes after midnight. It took us 16 hours to get from Munich to Nice.

The casual reader would think that the Queen's troubles are over.

The casual reader does not know the power of the curse.

Vueling, the low-cost airline that should get the guillotine

Ah, the French!

Always ready for a strike, for a disruption.

President Macron, without consulting the Queen, has embarked in a retirement reform. The bottom line means that the French population may see their retirement age postponed by two years.

The result is weeks and months of protests and strikes. In theory, I am supportive, until my flights get cancelled.

While still in Frankfurt, I received an email informing me that my flight to Ibiza, that was supposed to leave Nice on Monday morning, to which was attached an AirBnb reservation and a car rental reservation, was simply canceled.

Again, the Queen has seen it all. She is ready to cope, ready to act.

Alas, Vueling, the low-cost airline I had booked my flight with is the corporate equivalent of a cosmic black hole.

You are all friends, you do not deserve to read these horrors or even vicariously relive them. I will spare you, I am a Queen after all.

The gist is :

Vueling will cancel your flight and not offer you a replacement option

Vueling will say a replacement option is coming, but it never comes

Vueling will charge you almost the whole price of a ticket to find your own replacement option.

Vueling will say you have the possibility to cancel your reservation at no charge

Vueling does not allow you to cancel your reservation unless you provide a positive Covid test, or the death certificate of a family member (true story)

Vueling encourages you to contact their customer service 24/7, 7 days a week

Vueling does not have a live person at the other side of their Customer Service phone number, only a stupid bot.

Vueling does not have an email address to send complaints.

Vueling does not have a counter at the Frankfurt airport (or any other airport)

Vueling is Satan.

"Lesson learned: Don't be a cheap Queen"

How do we fix it

The Queen will cope. She will fly to Ibiza. She will not let Vueling ruin her magic trip to Europe.

It might cost some Euros....